Wednesday, 29 October 2014
23 October 2014, 4 pm
Now we are plotting to make the Education Committee more entertaining. Frankly, all of the committees could do with being a bit more entertaining, but you have to start somewhere.
Having discussed all manner of bold and heretical changes, which I cannot divulge here because they are SECRET but which may include changing the frequency of the Committee meetings, our conversation strays onto something very different indeed: the annual Council pantomime. I say “the”, but actually there is no antecedent yet: it is just such a brilliant idea that we are sure the lack of antecedent will not worry even the most pedantic of patent attorneys.
The Council pantomime will be similar to a Council meeting, but with one or two significant improvements. For a start there will be custard pie fights, or more precisely caramel custard tart fights. (I do like a good tart fight.) Instead of sober suits there will be sequinned leotards, feathers and thigh-high boots. If anyone asks where Mr Davies has put the Bye-Laws we will all shout “Behind you!!” and if they say something is outrageous we will shout “Oh no it isn’t!” We have yet to cast the key characters but there is likely to be strong competition for the evil villain and quite a few takers for the principal boy. Mr Lampert and Mr Davies will be the front and rear ends respectively of the pantomime horse, Mr Davies being the best person to go at the back because he can deal with the plumbing. And the EyePeePee will be the pantomime tractor, which was not in the original script but he is very pleased we have added it for him and even more pleased that Mr Davies has volunteered to help with the valves.
The dame will be a tough one. No-one on Council is capable of being coarse enough, not even me, and none of us really has the figure for it. We may have to call in one of the builders from Chancery Lane instead: there are plenty of them. Each one appears to have a particular scaffolding coupler to look after, and they have to stare at their scaffolding coupler all day, trying not to get distracted by passing females and taxis and things that make their heads itch under their hard hats. Since scaffolding couplers do not move very often, unless a major Bad Thing is about to happen, these people must surely have plenty of free time in which to take part in a little light amateur dramatics.
We should also decide which fairy story to use as the basis for our pantomime. But it’s not crucial; we don’t usually stick to the agenda so why would we stick to a storyline?