Friday, 5 December 2014

I want to be able to find my socks

17 November 2014

I am in London again.  Deep joy!  This time it is not CIPA business, or at least I don’t think it is CIPA business though I do seem to be losing track of appointments these days and it is entirely possible that I am indeed here on CIPA business but have forgotten to do it.  I will ask Gary, Mr Davies’s PA.  Gary will know.

Anyway, the main thing is that I am in a hotel and I am feeling grumpy.  Because no matter how posh your hotel in London these days, it will never, ever be decently lit.  When I arrive mid-afternoon, I find four beautiful macaroons awaiting me on the coffee table.  By the time the sun has set, I am struggling to find my own socks.  The lighting is what a more charitable person might call “subdued”, but let’s be blunt about this, it is actually just inadequate.  Several wall lamps generate the combined wattage of five birthday cake candles, but have been covered in lamp shades to reduce the five candles to two.  There is a kind of jaundiced glow to the corners of the room where these lamps lurk.   But they do not lurk anywhere near where I might have put my socks.

I do not want macaroons.  I want to be able to find my socks.  I want to be able to check in a mirror whether I have accidentally put my gloves on my feet instead.  But when I look in the mirror all I see is a depressed, yellow fuzz.  And though I accept that being VeePee is bound to make me a tad depressed, and also that I’m undeniably getting old and fuzzy, surely even an old person doesn’t need to look that yellow? 


  1. Thank you for raising awareness of this issue of major international importance and great public significance, namely the underlighting of hotel rooms. I have been afflicted with this problem for many years, and share your grave concerns. May I also add the ongoing outrage that not all hotel rooms have a master switch, this compelling the user to locate, identify, determine operative means, and then activate each light, one by one. This should not be tolerated in any civilised world.

  2. Well spoken. And argued like a good patent attorney.

    I believe we have identified a Technical Problem. If you find a Solution, I suggest you seek professional advice before disclosing it.

    Meanwhile, I shall continue to lobby strenuously on this crucial issue.