The Grand Tour continues with visits to two London firms. Mr Davies and I are treated like royalty,
which never happens at Council meetings and which I am enjoying immensely. I am thinking that perhaps Andrea On Tour is
a good thing for everyone. And it is of
course possible that Council would prefer me to spend the rest of my
Vice-Presidential term on tour rather than causing trouble at meetings.
At one of the firms, we are shown around the office, and we get
to nod graciously at the hard-working fee earners as we pass. This reminds me that I must issue a
Proclamation about the types of regal stuff I can do when I visit people. For example, let it hereby be known to all my
loyal subjects that for £105 I will declare open your new stationery cupboard
(£110 if you also want me to cut a ribbon; £90 if I get to smash a bottle); for
£125 I will press “Go” on your new records system (please boot up the computer
first; I cannot do this); and for £150 I will bless an application for re-establishment
of rights before you send it off. I can
also unveil plaques and wall-mounted hand dryers for a mere £68 each, £62 if
there are two or more and £350 for a complete toilet block. For £90 I will pronounce your office very
smart, and for £190 I will pronounce your staff very smart too, although only
if they are. Obviously. My fee for a speech is £550 per hour, because
it is not always easy to source straw. I
will accept bunches of flowers and boxes of paper clips free of charge: hand
them to Mr Davies who will carry them for me.
After the office tour, we are taken for a most regal lunch. Mr Davies orders fish finger sandwiches and a
beer, which kind of spoils the regal effect.
I order a tart which contains something no-one has heard of, so the
waiters make something up about it being a type of cheese, only one says it is
like goat’s cheese and another says it is like Pecorino and yet another says it
is like a BabyBel® so I am
not sure they know any more than I do, but anyway it is a very nice tart and
tons more sophisticated than a fish finger sandwich.
At the afternoon meeting, we have been preceded by the Dutch
Apple Cake Pixies, who are my new Best Friends.
We talk about CIPA Congress, the one-time CIPA ball, happy hours,
relationships with IPReg, the Journal
and the new e-newsletter, corporate membership possibilities and recruitment
challenges. I am supposed to be taking
notes because Mr Davies has explained to me that although there is no official
job description for the VeePee, obviously note-taking must be part of it
otherwise they would not have given me a free pen from the CIPA stationery
cupboard. But I cannot write fast enough
and I am getting Dutch apple cake crumbs everywhere. It is tough being VeePee. I think I might rather be the Chief Eggsek.
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