Some people have complained that my diary could compromise
public confidence in the IP system, the Institute and its members, not to
mention the dignity and good standing of the patent profession. I am in Big Trouble.
So, in steps the Internal Governance Committee
(da-da-da-DA!), whose job it is to ensure that everyone does everything
properly at CIPA, especially the people holding Exalted Positions.
(Just so you know, there are four Exalted Positions in CIPA:
the Pee, the VeePee, the EyePeePee and the Onssek. There is also the Chief Eggsek, but he is not
so exalted, he is only a plumber really, and he has to do what the Pee and the
VeePee tell him.) (Last week we told him
to eat a banana standing on his head.)
(He is still trying.)
I think the IGC find it odd that anyone should mention the
word “dignity” in the same sentence as my diary. I have never been dignified. I have never cared much for dignity. You can’t really, when you traipse in from
the Wess Curntry with a can of Red Bull® for your lunch. And to be fair, people kind of knew that when
they voted for me.
Still, you cannot hold office and behave like a
bumpkin. There are standards to
uphold. Collars to press. Shoes to polish. Double Windsor knots to be tied and such
like.
The other problem for the IGC is that none of its members had
actually read my diary until now. That’s
how much of an impact it has made on the patent profession so far. People who are busy getting on with their
jobs have absolutely no interest in the mad ramblings of an anarchic but
essentially harmless numpty.
The Committee looks long and hard at the accusations raised
against me. Then it looks long and hard
at the Chief Eggsek and says: We need a Social Media Policy so that people who
dabble in Twitter® and blogging and other nasty modern forms of communication
know how to do it with dignity. The
Chief Eggsek and the Pee and the EyePeePee agree. The Onssek is not there but I’m sure he would
also agree if he were. The Committee
decides that a Social Media Policy must be written forthwith, probably by our
Chief Shouty Person Mr Lampert, and when it has been written, someone can read
it out loud to me and explain what all the long words mean so that I do not
lose what little dignity I have left.
Being a bit of an expert on such things, I have some
suggestions as to what the new Policy might say:
- If you post a blog, start
with a disclaimer saying that you didn’t mean it, you never intended to
write it, and it’s all entirely made up anyway. If you can, pretend you’re not
associated with CIPA at all. Say
the Pixies did it.
- Use humour only with
caution. Ideally, put it under a
separate sub-heading.
- Remember that other people
have different views about what counts as appropriate. Therefore do not reveal what you really
do on a Friday night.
- Do not tweet. Repeat: do not tweet. Especially, do not reply to anybody
else’s tweets. If you see a picture
of a house with England flags all over it, just walk on by. If you see a picture of a curry cooked
by Mr Davies, steer clear of CIPA the following morning.
- Take care on LinkedIn®, because
LinkedIn is only actually written by one person, who has a load of
different identities and photos to match.
If you try to write something on there yourself, he will rewrite it
before it’s published and make it look so silly you’ll wish you’d never bothered.
No comments:
Post a Comment