I have called a teleconference of the diversity task force
leaders. These are the poor unfortunates
who’ve agreed to wear extra sparkly blue tights and red underpants, and to lead
the four strands of work we’re doing to improve diversity. The meeting involves me asking the others
what they’ve done in their individual working groups so far, whilst not
actually admitting that I haven’t done anything myself. This is a high-level management technique
known as “pulling all the strands together”.
Shortly I will draw myself an Over-Arching Roadmap, like there is for
the UPC, so that I can see who is doing what whilst I’m busy doing nothing.
I have heard it said that these days, working groups are called
“Sherpa Groups”, by the people who sit above them drawing over-arching
roadmaps. I understand this is something
to do with the fact that Sherpas do most of the hard work. But it is also because Sherpas know where
they are going and can get there on their own without interference from upper
management, thank you.
The key thing that is happening at the moment – and it is
happening Very Fast because the Informals are involved and they don’t hang
around – is that we are recording some video clips about how great it is in the
IP professions. We are going to include
lots of people from lots of different backgrounds, to show the next generation
how open and inclusive the IP professions are, even to ragamuffins like the
EyePeePee or straw-shedding numpties like me.
We are going to make the videos all rough and blurred and
shaky, which is partly so that they will appeal to Youngsters and partly
because it is cheaper that way; you can use your mate’s smartphone in the pub
after work. For the time being we are
overlooking the bit in the Code of Conduct about preserving the dignity and
good standing of the IP professions. And
let’s face it once we let Diversity in, and all those black transgender women
from inner city prison schools, there will be very little dignity and good
standing left to preserve. We will have
to rewrite the Code of Conduct to say:
- Just turn up to work every
now and then, OK?
- And don’t nick things from
your client.
- Or at least not without
issuing an invoice.
- And if you do nick things,
keep them in a separate client account.
- Try to tell the truth,
especially if you are leaking stuff on social media. (Guidance note: truth is stuff that more
than two of your mates agree with.)
- The rest is up to you, innit?
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